


Back to You

by lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, USWNT, woso - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-08-24 08:35:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16636535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart/pseuds/lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart
Summary: Damn, why are you playin' with me?You don't even like girls, ha





	1. PlayinWitMe

 

“Where’s Sonnett?” Kelley took a seat at the bar next to Tobin and Lindsey, waiving her arm in the air to get the bartenders attention in the crowded and loud Portland pub. 

 

“Probably flirting with the tinder date she invited out.” Lindsey blurted out before she covered her mouth and received daggers from Tobin. 

 

“Vodka red bull.” Kelley yelled towards the bartender who nodded before she turned back towards the two. “Is he at least hot?” 

Lindsey and Tobin just laughed and shook their heads at Kelley’s question, they both promised Sonnett that they would keep up her front but they had both been drinking and it was starting to get ridiculous. 

 

“What?” She sipped the drink the bartender had given her as she scanned the bar for where Sonntt was so that she could judge for herself. Her eyes went wide when she noticed Sonnett in the corner of the crowded bar, her arm around a woman’s waste and her lips at the woman’s ear and if she was being honest, she was having none of it. 

“She’s gay!?” Kelley yelled as she placed her drink down and stood up. 

“I mean she’s bi…..” Lindsey clarified. 

“She never said she was straight.” Tobin clarified even more as she watched the wheels turn in Kelley’s head. 

Her mind first went to Sonnett’s first camp where she had walked in the training room to a conversation Emily was having with her fellow rookies about ending it with her boyfriend, which ended Kelley’s suspicions about her sexuality as she promised herself to not worry about the rookie no matter if she really believed it or not. 

Her mind then went to a year later when they spent the off season training together, how often Sonnett turned her down when she invited her out to the various bars in Atlanta, stating that she had other plans. She precisely remembers the night before they left for their seasons to start where Sonnett finally agreed to go out with her, drinking way too much and getting a little handsy in the bar, Kelley recalled how Sonnett’s hands would slip a little too low on her back or how she would nuzzle her face into her neck and breathe in Kelley’s scent but she chucked it up to Sonnett being drunk and maybe a little confused with her sexuality so she didn’t push it. 

Finally, her mind went to all the of the shameless flirting Sonnett had done with her throughout the years, how she seemingly made Kelley fall for her more and more without even truly noticing it… Kelley never told anyone and every time she thought about pushing it, she remembered that the last thing she wanted to do was push someone to explore their sexuality when they clearly weren’t ready… 

 

“How long has she been bi!” Kelley turned back towards the two. 

“In college she hooked up with half of the field hockey team and when I went to visit her we went to one of their parties and two of the girls got into a fist fight. So it’s been a while…” Lindsey wasn’t sure if she should be spilling all of Sonnett’s sexuality secrets but Sonnett wasn’t exactly protecting her secret as she flirted with her date in the corner of the bar. 

 

“I’m—“ Kelley sat speechless for a moment. “That little shit.” She stood up as she started on a mission to move through the crowded bar to follow Sonnett who had excused herself from the her date to use the bathroom. Kelley caught up with her just before she turned down the long hallway, grabbing onto her arm gently, causing Sonnett to turn around. 

“Kel.” She smiled but it was quickly wiped away at the furrow in Kelley’s eyebrows as the older woman pulled her against the wall and pinned her in. “What’s up?” 

“Stop playing with me Emily.” She demanded as she moved closer and closer to Sonnett, watching her become more and more nervous. “You’re the biggest little shit I’ve ever met in my life. I can’t believe I fell for your little act.” 

“What?” Sonnett looked everywhere but at Kelley as she felt her move closer and closer until their bodies were pressed against one another, her back fully against the wall. 

“You’ve been playing with me for 2 years now.” Kelley whispered into her ear, sending shivers down Sonnetts spine. “2 years I never pushed because I thought maybe you were confused.” 

“Uh.” Sonnett barely got out before Kelley continued. 

“Come to find out your little secret.” Kelley pulled back with a smirk on her face, wanting to see Emily’s reaction, her face was hot and her cheeks were flushed. “now.” Kelley started again as she whispered into Emily’s ear, her hands moving from the wall to the younger womans hips. “I would like nothing more than an apology and I can tell you how to make it up to me” She nipped at her ear. 

“Is that so?” Emily finally spoke up, but Kelley never moved from her position.

“You can ditch the tinder girl and take me back to your place..” 

“Oh?”

“And you can fuck me better than you ever fucked any of the girls on the field hockey team.” 

“Oh my god.” Emily’s eyes went wide as Kelley pulled back to find Emily’s face fully flushed again. 

“I’m just playing with ya…” Kelley released her, sending a wink before she turned around and walked back towards the bar, knowing she was leaving Emily hot, flustered and bothered. 

 

“Where’d ya go?” Lindsey spun around on her bar stool. 

“Went and got pay back.” 

 

“Did you get us in trouble while doing so?” Tobin groaned, knowing exactly how Kelley could be. 

“Yup.”


	2. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your back against the wall  
> this is all we've been talkin' about  
> In my ears  
> Nothin' feels better than this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better by Khalid 
> 
> (chapters will get longer as more chapters are posted)

2 months later 

 

“You know, it takes a lot of effort to stalk someone all the way on the other side of the world” When the brunette turned around she couldn’t help but burst into laughter at Emily’s statement. 

“As if!.” Kelley jumped up and into Emily’s unsuspecting arms causing both of them to stumble backwards. “This is so cool that you’re here playing!” 

“Ms. Star Defender taking the PK last week in her first game.” Caitlin commented enjoying the embarrassed look on Emily’s face. 

“And look at that, you’re both already getting along. Sonnett you have to do everything with us! I won’t take no for an answer… I have a list! Cait will show us everywhere!” Kelley begged as she forced Emily down into the seat next to her in the small Sydney cafe, Emily took her seat and shook her head at Kelley. 

“Did you sleep the whole trip and chug Red Bulls? How do you have so much energy?” Emily chuckled as she raised her hand to get the waitresses attention. 

“I think I’m going to crash any minute.” She admitted as she leaned over and placed her head on Emily’s shoulder, nuzzling her face into the nape of her neck as she took in the scent of the woman. “Gonna need a nap.” 

“You can’t nap! That’s how it gets you.” Cait warned before turning attention to the waitress introducing herself to the group. 

 

 

“So… you and Emily seem rather close.” Caitlin commented as they walked back towards Kelleys hotel. “You wanna tell me something or am I going to have to go ask the girl I’ve been friends with for a whole week.” 

 

“She’s great ya know? Her presence always puts me in a better mood ” 

“Woah Kevin has a big crush” Caitlin teased and she immediately noticed how Kelley’s face turned to a bright shade of red. 

“Well, she’s beautiful, who wouldn’t.” She blurted and covered her mouth as she realized what she said, Caitlin’s eyes going wide simultaneously. 

“Kevin!” Caitlin stopped in front of the hotel eyeing her. 

 

“Relax, nothing is going to happen. She keeps me at a distance… Trust me I’ve tried before… ” Kelley slowly began walking away smiling as she saw the suspicious look on Caits face “See you at the hotel bar at 8” She laughed again before she disappeared into her hotel. 

 

 

“Looking good.” Emily complimented Kelley, frightening the woman as she snuck up beside her in the loud bar. Before Kelley could even reply Emily had snaked her arms around the woman’s waist and pulled her close. “I can’t believe you came all the way to Australia continue your mission of seducing me” She whispered in her ear, causing goosebumps to form on Kelley’s skin. This was Emily’s favorite game and Kelley hated how much she loved it. 

 

“I- no!” Kelley protested. “I’ve had this trip planned for months! I didn’t even know you would be here until last month.” 

 

“You keep telling yourself that” Emily whispered again, placing a light kiss on her ear subsequently making Kelley blush. 

 

 

 

Hours later they were many drinks in as they hung around with the Sydney FC teammates at a local bar where the music blared through the speakers and the dance floor stayed crowded as they hungout off to the side. 

 

“Dance with me?” Emily smiled as she pulled Kelley onto the dance floor and away from the group of Caitlin’s friends she was talking to. It wasn’t the typical bar dancing; there was no grinding. Instead it was Emily dancing around like a fool as she held onto Kelley, twirling them around, dipping her whenever she felt the song allowed for it; and Kelley loved every moment of it. 

“You’re crazy.” She let out a laugh as Emily twirled her around and brought her back into her arms in a swift motion that made her head spin; of course the alcohol coursing through her blood added to the dizzy feeling. 

 

“I didn’t know they dated?” Caitlin Cooper asked looking at Foord, all too confused at Emily and Kelley on the dance floor. 

 

“They don’t” She laughed shaking her head. 

“Are you sure?” She raised her eyebrow pointing to the two idiots smiling like crazy on the dance floor. “That’s love.” 

“Positive.” Caitlin sipped her beer. “I don’t even know if Emily is gay. I’ve known the girl for like a week dude.” 

 

“Sonnett?” Aubrey cut herself into the conversation letting out a laugh. “That girl is about as gay as they come; apparently 2 months ago Kelley found out Sonnett bi and hiding it from Kelley so she wouldn’t try and seduce her.” 

 

“Oh that ain’t right, look at her toying with poor Kev’s emotions.” Foord’s expression changed to a hurt puppy dog as she stared at Kelley on the dance floor. “I’ll kick that girls ass!” 

“Oh calm down.” Coops put her hand on Caitlin’s shoulder. “They’re adults, Kelley is old enough to make her own decisions.” 

 

 

“Break?” Emily husked out, frankly out of breath from dancing as she pulled Kelley from the dance floor and to the opposite side of the bar where their group stood. 

“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to keep me from everyone?” Kelley raised her eye brow in suspicion as Emily pushed her to the bar and stood behind her as she got the bar tenders attention for another round of beers. 

“Because I am.” She whispered into Kelley’s ear from behind before the bartender distracted them by placing the beers down. 

“What’s gotten into you?” She laughed as she turned around leaned her back up against the bar, Emily’s arms still holding onto her waist. 

“This isn’t just the alcohol, I just I’m ready and I can’t find the way to do it so here we are in Australia and I just want, what could’ve been mine 2 years ago Kel. I’m sorry I kept that from you. ” and as the final words left her lips Kelley smashed their lips together, pulling Emily closer by the back of her head. 

 

Remember two months ago when I told you that you could take me back to your place and fuck me better than any of those other girls? I’m getting impatient” Kelley smiled as she pulled back. 

 

 

The way her lips felt against her neck sent her into over drive, she couldn’t help but let the out the softest whimpers of begging as she was pinned against the entry way hall of her apartment. Her arms were pinned above her head as Kelley’s other hand pressed on her waist. 

 

“Pl-pl-please” She stuttered out as her body filled with chills 

“I’m getting my revenge.” Kelley whispered into Emily’s ear, slightly nipping it in the process. “I could’ve been doing this two years ago, so now I’m going to do every single thing I’ve ever imagined doing to you. I want you to scream my name so loud they can hear it all the way back in the US" 

“Oh you have no idea what I’m gonna do to you.” She breathed out, her eyes searching for Kelley’s but they quickly shut as she felt Kelley bite down on her collarbone. “Bedroom” 

“Mmm… I think we’ll start in the kitchen.” She let Emily’s arms down and led her into the kitchen. She hoisted herself onto the kitchen island as Emily followed closely in tow, Kelley’s legs wrapping around Emily’s waist, holding her tight and against the counter top. “You are so sexy.” She nipped at Emily’s ear again. 

 

“Fuck” Emily moaned out once more as she moved to the side of Kelley and propped herself up with her arm, staring down at the beautiful brunette below her. She couldn’t help but move the fallen hairs out of Kelley’s face before leaning down and leaving a sloppy kiss on her lips. “Nothing feels better than this.” She whispered as she leaned her forehead against Kelley’s, her thumb rubbing her cheek. 

 

She stirred as the sun peaked through the curtains, waking up in the unfamiliar room as she reached around the bed but felt no one. She slowly opened her eyes as she heard the soft pitter patter of feet to find Emily walking into the room with coffee in her hands. 

“So it wasn’t a dream.” Kelley softly spoke out as Emily sat on the edge of the bed and handed her coffee with a kiss on her forehead. 

“No.” She chuckled. “It uh, definitely was not a dream.” She placed her coffee on the end table before she began unbuttoning her shirt. 

“Forget coffee.” Kelley placed hers on the end table before pulling Emily on top of her. “You can be my morning wake up”


	3. All Too Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fast forward to 2018 season end

Lindsey plopped down on the bed, shifting the contents and annoying Emily. “So tonight…” Lindsey chewed as she spoke with her mouth full, a horrible manor that Emily learned to ignore through the years of knowing her. “Everyones going out…”

 

“Okay cool. Where to?” 

 

“Tobs is having people over and then everyone is going to go to the bar and meet up there.” She was being shy about it, trying to gage her reaction of how she would react when she finally dropped the bomb but Emily just nodded, trying to not show her emotion. “And by everyone I meant the Utah players as well.” 

“I figured.” She suddenly grabbed her cup of water, chugging down the water as if she was chugging down the emotions and holding them back. 

“Well this might be good, maybe you can talk to her?” Lindsey had been trying for months to encourage her to talk to her, to let her feelings out but it was easier for her to ignore them and since Kelley had spent the past 6 months out to injury, making this only the 3rd time that she had to face her. 

“Nope, I will be keeping my safe distance and swerving her just like I did at the end of the past two matches. Talking to her? Letting myself have those feelings? Fat chance in hell Linds.” And with that she got up and walked away deciding she was better off telling herself to fully focus on the game ahead than her ex girlfriend being the opponent. 

 

 

She stood on the field after the game, the chanting of the fans not stopping as they finished the game at 2-1. Lindsey was talking her ear off but she didn’t mind it as she watched from the corner of her eye as the other players moved in waves to shake each others hands and without even realizing what she was doing Lindsey was reaching out and pulling Kelleys arm to her. 

“Good goal Kel.” She pulled the smaller girl into a hug as Sonnett attempted to step away before Kelley could realize she was there. “Too bad our defense is rock solid, wouldn’t let you get another.” 

“If it was rock solid you’d have a clean sheet.” She laughed as she hugged her back and broke from the hug just catching eye contact with Emily as she tried to walk off. 

“Em” Kelley called out loud enough Emily had to turn around and couldn’t ignore it. So she took a quick deep breath and turned around to look at the freckled woman who was wearing the sweetest of smiles and she hated how much it warmed her heart. 

“Proud of you.” She spoke out softly but just loud enough that only Emily could hear her and she walked away without giving her a chance to respond or react so Emily just stood there for a moment as she processed it. Kelley didn’t need to explain to her what she mean by that, she knew that it was because she had worked so hard to have a good season, because she had made it back on the national team and was finally the consistent player she wanted to be. 

 

 

“Sonnett!!!” Tobin chanted out as she spotted the blonde entering the apartment navigating through the various people that filled the open space. It took her not even a moment to realize that Kelley was sitting at the counter with Becky, Christen and Tobin so she waved towards their way and veered off to the corner where Britt was, hoping to have it as her safe haven until they got to the bar. If anyone were to ask her why she was with Katie and Britt so much she would use the excuse that she missed her old friends. 

 

“Avoided.” Becky spoke out as she sipped her beer, noticing how Sonnett completely ignored them. “I wanted to talk to that little shit! She’s been playing out of her mind this season.” 

“My bad.” Kelley spoke out as she raised her beer as a toast to the air. “Cheers to fucking it up.” 

“Oh Kel.” Chris shook her head as she patted the girls shoulder, hating to see her so upset. 

“I told her I was proud of her today, after the game… I actually walked up to her and said it” 

“Well.. it’s been how long since the break up?” Becky asked, trying to gage the time frame. 

“Al little over a year and damn I miss her.” She blatantly admitted, not ashamed once bit. 

“You miss her?” Tobin tuned into the conversation, she was never one to keep up with others feelings or drama but she instantly noticed the tension between the 2 and hated it. 

“Well you figure… when we broke up Jill wasn’t calling her up anymore and then by time she got Jill’s attention again I was injured” Kelley thought out. “So you think about, this will be the first camp together in a year where we are together.” 

 

“And you really miss her?” Tobin questioned once again as she watched Kelley’s facial expression change to a soft but also gut wrenching smile as she looked towards Emily. 

‘I can’t imagine a day I won’t.” She truthfully answered before lifting her beer and chugging the rest, knowing she was going to need it to get through tonight.

 

 

“Linds.” Kelley called out as she grabbed the girl by her arm in the crowded bar. Her eyes were focused on a particular blonde in the corner flirting with someone. “Who’s that?” She pointed as Lindsey groaned and squinted her eyes. 

“That’s one of the trainers, Bailey .” Lindsey hated this, she hated seeing the somber look on Kelley’s face that she tried to hide, she hated how Emily was flirting to keep herself away from Kelley, she hated seeing her two friends be like this. 

“Oh, are they dating?” Kelley felt a hand on her face as Lindsey gently turned her away from the situation. 

“They’ve hung out, nothing serious. Now please Kel, stop breaking your own heart because you’re breaking mine and I really want to just have fun tonight.” Lindsey begged as she picked up both of their drinks from the bar and directed Kelley to follow her over to the other side of the large bar where Emily would be out of their site. 

 

Kelley spent the next 2 hours laughing hysterically at stories being told and dumb dares being carried out between the two teams, she found herself on the dance floor with the lively bunch of Alexa, Bowen, Kling, and various other players. With a little under 40 players plus the rest of the bar it was easy for Kelley to keep her distance and whenever Emily would be coming near she’d find an excuse to move onto the next group or activity. It was exhausting avoiding her. 

 

“Hey.” Emily whispered as she slid up next to Kelley who was standing out on the back deck of the restaurant getting air from the crowded and loud bars she had once loved. 

“Wassup.” Kelley nodded her head, trying to keep it together. 

 

“You alright?” Emily swallowed hard as she stared down at the ground, not having the energy to look at her. 

“I’m exhausted.” Kelley let out a long breath, it was more than just a physical exhaustion from 90 minutes on the field. 

“Yea, tough game.” Emily awkwardly replied. 

 

“No, I’m exhausted from avoiding you all damn night.” There it was, that bite that she had been holding and finally Emily looked up at her, she could see the small tears filling Kelley’s eyes and her own face frowning as her forehead scrunched up. 

 

What could someone possibly say to that? All she could do was look at Kelley with her sad eyes, her regretful eyes, her “I shouldn’t have asked you” eyes because now she was feeling everything she had been refusing to feel all day, all month and for the past year. 

 

“Kel. Uber is here!” Katie walked out onto the deck shouting before she realized Emily was standing there, she awkwardly waved as her eyes went wide. “You coming?” 

 

“Yup.” Kelley spoke back as she quietly wiped her tears. “Be there in a sec.” She pushed past Emily as she headed for the door, Emily’s feet moved faster than her brain as she moved to stop Kelley from going back inside. 

“Kel.” She gently gripped her arm. “Please.”

“Night Em.” She nodded as she gently pulled her arm from Emily’s grip. All Emily could do was stare as she watched Kelley walk away and all she wanted was to go to bed, to get out of the bar and away from the people. She couldn’t be here anymore. 

 

“Kel, come on.” Lindsey threw her arm around her “ Cheer up dude, stay” She slurred out. 

“I’m good Linds, I’m gonna head back to my hotel room. Brunch tomorrow yea?” She wanted nothing more than to crawl under the white covers of her hotel bed and stay there until she had to leave for national team camp in two days and be in the same environment of Emily for 22 long days. 

 

“Yea, yeap.” She nodded as her arm fell to the side. “Text when you’re back.”

“Will do kiddo.” Kelley laughed as Lindsey lazily hugged her before she walked away towards the front of the bar. 

“Kel!” Tobin called out as she maneuvered through the crowd with Christen in tail. “Where ya going dude? It’s only 12.” 

“Our über is here, gonna head back with some of my team ” She pointed to the car with their four ways on in front of the bar. “I’ll text you tomorrow.” Turning around she proceeded to her uber and back to the hotel as Tobin and Christen stood there shaking their heads warily. 

 

Once inside the bar Tobin sought out Emily, yanking her by her arm and away from the crowd. “We need to talk.” 

“Woah.” Emily pulled her arm away from Tobin as she followed her out to the back deck of the bar. “What the hell?” 

“You really thought tonight was a good night to invite her out with everyone? Seriously? Why couldn’t you just keep it the team and thats it.” 

“What the hell?” She repeated, the alcohol clouding her judgement. 

“You knew Kelley was going to be out with her Utah teammates, you knew she would see you with her and you fucking knew it would hurt her.” 

This was the first time Emily had ever experienced the path of an angry Tobin, she didn’t quite know how to react but she had her reasons for what she did tonight. 

“She ended it Tobin, not me.” She pointed to herself. “I was the one left crying in Atlanta before she got on her flight to Utah in the off season.” 

“It doesn’t matter, two wrongs don’t make a right. You invited her to be spiteful and hurt Kelley.” 

“Tobin, there you are.” Christen walked out. “Leave Sonnett alone, lets go home.” She pleaded as she wrapped her arm around her girlfriend. 

“Stop fucking with her feelings. She already apologized for what she did. Grow up.” Tobin spat out before allowing Christen to pull her away. 

“I’m sorry.” Christen turned her head back and mouthed before she lead her girlfriend back into the bar. 

 

Emily took a seat on the bench on the deck, her face falling into her hands as her mind went back to that dreadful night in Atlanta. 

 

 

“Hey you.” Emily answered the door, the biggest smile plastered on her face as she leaned forward to greet Kelley with a kiss before moving away so she could step into the apartment. 

“Is Moe home?” Kelley asked as she stripped off her coat and placed it on the hook, then removed her snow filled shoes. 

“No, she’s at Fabrices tonight.” Emily wiggled her eyebrows, laughing at herself immediately at her attempt to look sexy. “So that means apartment to ourselves one last time before we have to be apart for the season.” She moved towards the barefoot woman, her arms immediately wrapping round her waist and going in for another kiss. Kelley took a deep breath before giving into the kiss and wrapping her arms around Emily’s neck as Emily navigated them towards the bedroom. 

 

“Nothing feels better.” Emily smiled as she rolled off of Kelley, kissing her forehead but she immediately felt her stomach drop when she saw the tears forming in Kelley’s eyes. “What’s wrong baby?” She cooed as she pushed the hair back on her face, just like she had the first night they were together and so many times after that. “We’re gonna be okay with the distance baby, it’s such a short flight. We’re going to make it work.” She reassured her but Kelley shook her head as more tears fell. 

 

“I can’t do this Em.” She whispered out, her voice cracking. 

“Baby…” She cooed wanting to calm her girlfriend down. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“We can’t do this Em.” The tears continued to fall. “We have to end this.” Emily immediately felt sick to her stomach as the words left Kelleys mouth and now the tears were spilling out of her eyes, tears she didn’t even realize were forming. “I’m so sorry.” Kelley cried out. 

“Kelley, don’t do this… please.” She cried out as they both sat up in bed, her hands holding Kelley’s face. “Please don’t do this.” 

“I should go.” Kelley wiped her tears and took Emily’s hands from her face and into her hands, bringing them up to her lips as she closed her eyes and left a kiss on them. 

“Please” She cried out again. “At least stay with me.” Emily asked, hoping she could convince the freckled woman in front of her to change her mind. 

“I can’t because you’re going to try and change my mind and you can’t Em, this is the way it has to be.” Kelley placed her hand on the back of Emily’s neck and brought her head forward so she could place a long, lingering kiss on her forehead. “Goodbye”


	4. I'm only human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorrry I was gone for so long :) One more chapter and it's done.

Past

 

Kelley tossed and turned in bed, unable to get comfortable as her brain replayed the night she finally apologized to Emily, what more could she have said to convince the woman she was sorry? That she regretted it? That she loved her more than she could ever imagine. 

 

“What-what are you doing here?” Emily opened up her apartment door in early June, confused as to why Kelley was standing in front of her the morning after their game against Utah, when she had done her best to avoid her after the game. 

“I need to apologize, I need to explain myself if you would just let me.” Kelley stepped into the apartment, feeling awkward. 

“Does it even really matter?” Emily rubbed her eyes, still tired from getting in late. “You made it really clear that you were done, I don’t see why now 4 months later you’re here to explain yourself.” Kelley went wide eyed, realizing how cold the sweet girl she used to know had become. 

“Please.” She whispered, watching Emily take a deep breath before she opened her eyes and pointed towards the living room, Kelley following behind her. 

“Okay, I’m all ears.” She grabbed a blanket, feeling cold and still half awake. 

“Being with you, it felt so right that it scared me.” Emily looked at her like she was a bit crazy. “You know like how- ugh.” She groaned. “When I went through my first real break up, I remember my sister said to ‘if you thought that was love with the wrong person, imagine how much you’re going to love the right person, imagine how much better that’s going to feel.’ That was you Em, I was smitten from the first day you arrived at camp and started dancing like an idiot, you stole my heart in Australia and when you landed in Atlanta asking me to be your girlfriend I knew I loved you, I had never felt that strong of a pull towards someone but I couldn’t do it.” 

“So you left me because you loved me too much? Great.” Emily shook her head. “Am I not worthy of being loved like that?” 

“Emily that’s not what I’m saying… It was me not you. It was me who wasn’t ready for all of this. I was still broken from my past and it all caught up with me. No matter how much I loved you, I was still dreaming of my ex, I was still getting over the pain from that. I was so scared that what happened with her was going to happen with us. I know that’s so cliche and you hear it all the time but you have to believe me Em. I wanted to work through my issues before I dove into this so deep.” 

Emily stayed silent just staring at Kelley. 

“After we broke up and I moved to Utah, I started going to therapy, I started working through my trust issues, I started working through my problems. My therapist told me that the reason I would dream of her was because my subconscious was reminding me of what happened last time I took steps like that in a relationship.”

“Okay.” Was all Emily could manage to stay, not really knowing where this was going or Kelley’s reasoning for showing up here. “So what do you want? Why are you here?” She spoke out in a cold tone, one she didn’t even realize she was projecting until it came out of her mouth. 

“I just wanted a chance to explain myself.”

“You could’ve texted or called, you didn’t have to come and do it in person.” 

“But I wanted to Em, I needed you to be able to look me in the eyes and know I’m telling the truth and how genuinely sorry I am for hurting you, for hurting us and what we had.” Kelley moved towards the couch, finally taking a seat next to Emily, her hands immediately reaching for Emily’s. She squeezed them lightly and brought them up to her lips, leaving a light kiss. “I never got to tell you that I love you, but I have loved you for a long time now. I have been so in love with you and each time we were together my love for you only grew. I’m sorry I never got to tell you that and make you feel loved Em. You are worthy of all the love in the world.” Kelley leaned in and kissed Emily’s head, savoring every second of it. 

“So where do we go from here?” Emily whispered out, tears in both of their eyes. “What do you want out of this?”

“I don’t know.” Kelley took a deep breath before she gave Emily some distance. “Do you miss me?” 

Emily rubbed the back of her neck and stared at the floor. “When we first broke up I missed you so much but I never felt like you missed me so I guess I eventually just stopped missing you.” 

 

 

Present 

 

 

 

“Call her up and ask her to go for coffee Kel. You basically walked out on her last night so it’s your move.” Christen suggested as she sipped her coffee as they all sat around Tobin’s living room. “You can’t go into camp like this. It won’t end well. 2 days.” 

 

“Ugh.” Kelley let out a small groan as she was reminded that in 2 days they would in fact be together in camp for 3 weeks due to qualifiers. 

 

Kel: Hey, you free to get coffee ? 

 

Emily’s eyes shot wide as she read the text on her phone, so much so that Lindsey moved over and glanced at the text instead of asking what it said. 

“Say yes.” Lindsey shrugged. 

 

“But…” She tried her best to think of an excuse, any excuse to get out of doing this. 

 

“You don’t want to go into camp feeling like this. Nip it in the butt. ” Lindsey was always the one to push Sonnett into uncomfortable situations and as much as she hated it in the moment she always knew in the end that Lindsey was right. 

 

Em: Sure, see you in 10 at the place next to Tobins. 

 

 

She casually leaned up against the concrete wall as she watched all of the people walk past her in the busy rush of the morning as she waited for Emily to appear into the sea of people and when she finally did her heart stopped for just a moment as she looked at the girl with mirrored aviators on across the street, hating that she couldn’t see her eyes and judge the mood she was in as she came closer. She hated it, she hated all of it. How did it get so royally screwed up? How had it been so long without Emily in her life? So much had changed and when Emily finally approached her and slid her eye glasses onto the top of her head she hated how cold the girls eyes seemed to be. 

 

“Hey.” She spoke out, a small smile on her face as Emily just raised her eye brows and nodded with a neutral expression. “Thanks for coming but we don’t have to do this?” She judged Emily’s body language sensing how uncomfortable the girl was. 

 

“No, this is important I just think talking in public isn’t going to be great especially with us being known in the city.” Emily shrugged, cool and casual but Kelley could see right through her, she always could. 

“Right, I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. In Utah we don’t live in the city so it’s not something we usually worry about.” Emily nodded, truly realizing for the first time that Kelley was no longer living in the house down the street from the beach in New Jersey, she was no longer living with her best friends, she was no longer wearing all blue and throwing house parties after games. Now she lived in a new city, with a new team, new roommates, a new apartment that she had never seen. 

 

“Hello?” Kelley spoke out clearing her throat as Emily was brought back to reality with Kelley and the cashier staring at her confused as to why she wasn’t responding. She quickly composed and ordered her drink, paying for both her and Kelley before Kelley could even get her card out of her wallet. 

“Emily, you didn’t have to do that, I asked you but thank you.” Kelley followed behind her to the waiting counter as she just nodded in silence. Kelley was the only one besides her family that ever called her by her first name. Her friends, teammates and fans all knew her as Sonnett, Sonn or Sonny and something about hearing Emily come out of Kelley’s mouth made her heart throb. 

 

“Are you just not going to talk?” Kelley questioned as she reached for the drinks on the counter and handed Emily hers. 

“No.” She spoke out but then realized how confusing that answer was. “I mean I am going to talk I just was lost in thought. I have a balcony at my apartment around the block if you want to go there and we can talk?” 

“Sounds good, lead the way.” Along the way they kept silent as they walked a couple of blocks but it was just a block before Emily’s apartment that they stopped waiting for the cross walk light, Kelley froze as she looked at the sign of the small bar that was across the street and suddenly her mind floated back to the summer of 2017 where she had messed with Emily upon finding out that she was bi. 

 

“Kelley come on, the lights green.” Emily called for her attention as the crowd moved around them, Kelley coming back to reality as Emily waited for her to cross the road. 

“Sorry sorry, I was distracted.” She mumbled as they made it across the street just in time. 

 

It was several moments of silence as they sat on the balcony that overlooked the city, neither one of them wanting to break the silence but Emily couldn’t take it anymore because just being in Kelley’s presence made her heart feel broken all over again.

 

“I’m sorry, I really am. You have to believe me Em. How many more times can I come to Portland begging you to forgive me?” 

“You’re sorry, that’s nice. ” Emily whispered as she brought the coffee cup up to her lips, standing up and walking inside. She was foolish to think she could stand even minute of sitting with Kelley and discussing her feelings again. 

 

“Em…” Kelley called out a minute later, a crack in her voice as she shut the door behind her. “I’m sorry. I would give anything to go back and change it. I’m only human, it was such a mistake leaving you. ” But Emily didn’t turn around as she leaned forward on the counter, shaking her head slightly as she let herself collect her thoughts. 

“Was I ever going to be enough for you?” Emily whispered out, Kelley barely hearing her. 

“What?” She felt sick to her stomach. “Em, of course you were enough. You were more than enough. You were everything.” 

And finally Emily turned around, her back now meeting the same counter she was just facing. “Yet you still left me, and you still moved on.” Her memory brought her back to Moe’s wedding, how she felt sick to her stomach watching from her seat as Kelley sat in a couple of rows behind her with a random blonde 

“What?” Kelley questioned, her face scrunching up. “Em…” 

“Seeing you hold her on the dance floor, I thought I was literally going to throw up.. not because it was repulsive but because that’s how much it hurt. That gut wrenching pain, that it feels like the only way you can survive it is by getting sick.” 

“She was only a cover, I didn’t want you to see how hurt I was.” Kelley inched herself closer but Emily stayed back. 

“So you thought that hurting me even more than you already had was your best move?” Emily looked at her dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, remind me who’s 24 and who’s 30 here please because honestly it seems the other way around.” 

“That’s fair.” Kelley shrugged. “It was another of many mistakes I made at that time and I’m sorry, I really am. There was nothing more that I wanted to do that night than to pull you up onto the dance floor and hold you” She inched closer. “Em, all I wanted was to take you home that night, you looked so beautiful and sexy in that dress.” 

“Kel..” Emily watched her closely, this was a classic Kelley move. The way she moved closer the more emotional the conversation got, how she used her physical touch to try and fix the problem. 

“Last night, seeing you with that trainer…” Kelley trailed off as her hands reached and grabbed a hold of Emily’s hips, her thumbs digging into where her v line was, chills down both of their bodies. “That fucked me up” She whispered into Emily’s ear, the hair on her neck standing up.

 

“Kelley” Emily whispered once more as Kelley’s lips met her neck, her eyes closing instantly as her arms made their way around Kelley’s neck. “Please” She begged knowing Kelley remembered her weakness. “Fuck” She quivered as Kelley’s hands worked under her shirt and up to her breast. “Bedroom.” She breathed out before Kelley’s lips finally met hers, both of their hearts pounding as they realized how much they missed each other. 

 

Later that day.... 

 

“I told you to talk about your problems not fuck her!” Lindsey smacked Sonnett’s arm as they sat next to each other on the couch. 

“It just happened?” She shrugged trying to ignore the flashbacks she was getting in her head. “And god it was so good.” Emily couldn’t help but smile as she ignored the look of disgust on Lindsey’s face. 

“So is this going to be a thing again or?” Lindsey rolled her eyes.

“No.” Emily straightened up on the couch. “I think it was like months later break up sex?” She cleared her throat and nodded her head trying to convince herself as she watched Lindsey roll her eyes. 

“Sonnett….” Here comes the warning tone she knows all too well. “Don’t do this to yourself.”


End file.
